Everything is cool as long as I'm getting thinner.

Hello everyone. I’ve been thinking about this post for a while. 
I’ve gained a shit load of weight and you know what? I don’t really care.
Of course I want to look better but right now I see my body and I don’t hate what I see. Of course, I see flaws. For instance my biggest insecurity right now is that my cheeks are of a stratospheric size. But honestly, that is not my biggest flaw. 
Having Megan Fox’s body isn’t the main priority in my life; I’d love to have it but I’m done obsessing over it. 

If no one is going to love my body because of whatever reason, Im going to love it. Bring on the skinny hate. I am happy the size I am. I am still going to try to lose the weight I’ve gained. But fuck it. A size doesn’t make me less of a human being.  

As a matter of fact I pity all the people that have actually discriminated me because of my weight. If their character analysis ability is restricted to fat and skinny they will lead very sad lives. The rest of it, I know now, it’s just been me. 

therefor I will not update this blog anymore. unless it’s positive. for me, for you and for everybody.

Love yourselves girls, no one is going to do it for you. Not your man, your girl, your mom. they all got their own little rolls and cellulite to word about. 

kaljsgdlskhgfalshgf!!!

I’m so pissed. I’m not losing any weight. (I mean obviously since im not really committing 1005 to it) but in theory I’m not gaining any either. (according to the “scale” that gives you 20 extra pounds or what ever). but today I took a picture with some friends and I look like miss piggy. UGHHH. 

Im back from my run

it was terribly short. but I mean, something is better than nothing.
the thing is that it’s uphill so it’s harder, and by the time I get up there im already about to pass out. (yes im pretty out of shape).

I think Im going to plan a different route. 

 

so basically my body is in complete “out of control” mode

if I have 1 extra coffee. or if I have breakfast (like I should) I get sick.
and I mean sick sick. wtf is this? If been feeling nasuea all day long. 

I got a scale today. 
the stupid ass thing says I am 134.4 pounds. which translates to 67 k.  I started at 60 K. then went down to 56 k, maybe gained 2 k meaning I am 58 K. there is no way that in 2 weeks I gained 10 k (20 pounds). my clothes wouldn’t fit me for christ sake.

Stupid ass thing. I AM NOT 134.  

well… fail at not purging.

this is such a non inspirational and negative blog.
but its honest at least.
Im not 100% motivated all the time
and I don’t feel like working out all the time
and sometimes there are tings that are more important.

but Im still trying and that is what counts. 

I’ve been walking lots. but like, museum walking so it doesn’t count. So basically the work out part has been…lacking.
Today I didn’t east as great. or atleast it didn’t feel like it.
AGH. Im still trying to to cheat. only 3 meals and MAYBE a coffee in the middle of the afternoon.